Non scale victories are just as important

Hairy eyeball from Lexi

OCR with my peeps

I am not a fan of diets. I hate the gym. I would rather sit on my butt and chill all day, eating – whatever I can get my hands on. No wonder grocery days are so joyous for me.

Everything I just wrote in that paragraph has turned into a big fat lie.

My fitness journey began with a challenge to eliminate sugar from my diet and to introduce a better exercise regime. I was a bear, to put it mildly. I wanted anything sugary that I could find. I would overload on it, then go find some more sweetness to inhale.

Good Lord, I thought. There has got to be an end to this. Suffice to say, I did eliminate junk food, kicking and screaming all the way, and all sorts of white carbs. I also have visited the gym and hired a personal trainer. I go to the gym three times a week.

They say the first month is the hardest, but I’m not so sure.

I am my worst critic. I thought dropping 15 pounds and gaining one-per cent muscle mass was a huge accomplishment in September. But then came the Obstacle Course Race on Saturday, Sept. 30 for the Smiths Falls Community Hospital Foundation. There were three of us from work who wanted to embark on something a little different and step outside our comfort levels. Donning our “Rise Above the Mud” T-shirts, and timing chips, the three of us left the starting blocks for the 5K family run. Our journey was not a “run” however, it was a walk – through the grassy fields, the briar and the bramble, over the hills and valleys of the densely-wooded areas. There were obstacles, of course, and one of us was successful at several of them. I however, managed to do one obstacle successfully – the tire hauling.

“Hey, you’re killing this!” Evelyn said, as she and Tara were behind me, killing their own tire-hauling challenge.

“I do this at the gym,” I hollered back. Well, sort of. I walk with weights and carry them from one end of the track to the other – more than once. And repeat.

Every time I looked up from the task at hand, there was someone with a camera in my face, taking our photo. Now I know how others feel – I’m usually behind the camera. I really didn’t want to see any of these pictures as they certainly didn’t show me at my best angle – like from 10 feet in the air to the side, or something silly like that.

As we headed back into the woods for the umpteenth time, I got snapped by a prickly bush and blood shot out of a puncture wound on my arm. I shook it off and pulled up the rear.

Just as Tara was descending a small mountain ahead of me, and Evelyn was coming up behind me, I hit a gopher hole and did a slo-mo drop and roll. It was not my finest moment, that’s for sure. As I saw the sky ahead of me (I was on my back) and felt my head bounce off the ground, the camera strap tried to choke me, I immediately put my feet in the air and kicked  –  something I learned at the gym: flutterkicks. I am not sure why I was doing this, as the tears of laughter were blinding me.

“I’m OK!” I said, still laughing like a banshee. Evelyn ran to my side. The water bottle exploded in my pocket, I lost the cap off the camera lens, and my teeth were still rattling, but I eventually got vertical and stepped tenderly on my left foot. That’s when I felt shooting pains in my knee.

I’m going to die here, I thought. Sure as hell no one was in these parts, as we were off the beaten path, lost in the wilderness at the Gallipeau Centre.

Grit. That’s all it was that propelled me through the next, and final, section of the course. Down the small embankment we went and hiked another several meters when what to our wondering eyes did appear?

OMG. It’s a giant dirt mountain, with ropes. To get out of this ravine, we had to scale the side of this mud mountain.

Yeehaw!

Tara  took he lead, and a guy ahead of us had come back to rescue us. He held my camera, and I headed up the slope after Tara; Evelyn easily scaled it behind me.

Just a few more meters and we would be out of the woods, at least.

Oh hell, there’s a pile of tires we had to climb over … but wait – the grass has been worn into the rocky and wobbly path around the tires. We went around, and hit the uneven ground of the final straightaway.

There were a few more obstacles – menacing ones; some wonky strappy ladder things, and the amazing warp wall that ran straight up into the sky like some Evil Knievel jump. OK, we’ll stay on our feet and just walk around these bad boys to the finish line.

By the time we hit the finish line we were the last to cross it – some two hours later; war wounds and all.

But hell, it was a great cause – the Smiths Falls Community Hospital Foundation – and we had some bonding experiences throughout our journey. And we got some cool swag to boot.

Speaking of boot – that guy who rescued us on the slope managed to get some complimentary photos – of my ass. Good Lord!

RECOVERY

The next day, my knees were jumpy as the left one decided I needed some A535 to accompany the hip bruise that has all but surfaced. There was some stiffness and a headache, no doubt from bouncing my head off the cement-like ground.

Sunday was pretty much left up to the “chill gods” and I only got off the couch to do laundry.

I had a date at the gym though, Monday. The hardest part about the gym today, was getting there.

NO WHINING! Just go do it, already.

My PT, Amber, had completed her first marathon Saturday while I played in the woods. It sure didn’t look like she’d just run 42K. She was as chipper and cheerful as always, and even more encouraging and empathetic to my woes of the day.

We avoided the whole lower body workout – but I did manage to get 10 minutes on the treadmill to warm up. All was not lost in that respect.

But the best part of the day today – besides busting previous weight-lifting and rep records – I bested my plank by nine seconds. I’m pretty impressed with this non scale victory of holding my plank for 56 seconds. I’m going to bust 60 seconds very soon! This makes me grin because when I first met Amber almost a month ago, a test of the plank showed her it was non-existent in my fitness arsenal.

I shared with her my thoughts on these horrid photos that are going around now from various media on site at the OCR.

“Don’t worry about that,” she said. “There will always be those photos with bad angles. I asked my mom to delete the ones she took of me on the weekend showing my double chin.”

No, her mom said. “We will keep them all!”

Oh glorious. One can only hope that mine suddenly self destruct.

OCR photos at the link below.

https://www.facebook.com/pg/WeirviewPhotography/photos/?tab=album&album_id=10156731850552281

 

 

I can’t … not – try!

Fluffy, squishy, pudgy, thick, a little on the round side: these words have been used to describe me for as long as I remember.

So have these words: “she’s got a cute face”, “she’s so tall”, “too bad she’s so fat, she could be really attractive.”

I don’t know what’s worse – some moron calling me fat, or a friend calling me squishy.

Over the years, I’ve let it slide, but I have let myself slide into an even deeper realm of the fat world.

I have no one to blame but myself. I can’t blame my grandparents for force feeding me from the horn of plenty during family gatherings at the farm. I could have pushed myself away from the trough.

Perhaps it was the fact that the corner store was so close when I was a kid, and my allowance equated to a dozen chocolate bars and several bottles of pop or bags of potato chips a week.

It’s not that I didn’t get exercise; I rode my bike everywhere, or walked. I played ball three times a week. I had a skateboard, and a dog that needed to run in the woods. We played outside from sunup to sundown and didn’t have electronics to pass the time. Well, except for Donkey Kong, or Atari 64. But that was more my brother’s thing.

Sweet treats – they are the killer. That and all those white carbs; you know the ones: potatoes, (French fries), rice, pasta, and bread! If I can battle these demons, then I might be onto something.

I have learned a lot over the years when it comes to healthy eating. I have been on several bandwagons (Don’t get me started on the Blue Jays!)

I thought I was at my wit’s end recently when I asked my GP to sign me up for a weight loss surgery. To create a pouch of a stomach would be called gastric bypass, or to have my football-sized stomach “sleeved” into a banana-sized one is another option. A third option is a band around the stomach but that didn’t appeal to me much, and it seems that surgery is being replaced by a sleeve or bypass.

To prepare myself for this, I’ve been researching it non-stop. You have to get right with food (psychologically) before this procedure will be successful. There are several medical tests I will need to undergo first before being approved for surgery. This may sound like the easy way out, but trust me, it seems more difficult than just dealing with the food issues that got me here in the first place.

Weight loss surgery cons outweigh the pros – at least for me. There could be hair loss, gallbladder issues, malnutrition, loss of teeth, loss of lean muscle mass, or vitamin deficiency. That’s just a few of the complications.

I joined a few Facebook groups that are supportive of this surgery. I have seen and heard many success stories, but have read too many horror stories to go any further with this plan. I do know a few close friends who have done this procedure, but they aren’t that far out from their surgery to see if they have success with it or not. Sure they are losing the weight, but are their minds healthy with this way of life?

The more I research, the more determined I am to do this without invasive surgery, but I can’t do this alone. I need help. The first part of getting help is admitting I have a problem. Like an alcoholic with booze, or a junkie with cocaine, I am addicted … to sugar! The sugar I get from those foods mentioned above, are what will kill me. The high I get from them are equivalent to what other people gain with their drug or alcohol addictions.

I’m plucking information from many of my former healthy eating plans, and I have taken up with a dietitian at the health unit in town. Jana knows her stuff and she’s very encouraging.

I have also enlisted the help of a personal trainer. Amber at Industry Fitness in Perth is a gem. She assessed me to see what my physical fitness level was before designing a plan just for me. I’m pleased to report that my plank has gone from non-existent, to 31 seconds. This is a huge NSV (non-scale victory) for me.

I have given up sugar and non-essential carbs (no flour, potatoes, rice, or breads.) I admit, I thought I was going to die that first week. I suffered from irritability (more so than usual) and mood swings, as well as headaches.

A food app on my phone called “Lose It” helps me keep track of my food intake, and I’m walking with Lexi at least 3km a day. Every morning she’s waiting for me at the front door and if I’m not ready to go by 6:15 a.m. she lets me know what time it is. I have a Fitbit to help me keep track of exercise.

It’s a work in progress, but I can’t not try.

@MetrolandMedia – published in the Record News and The Perth Courier – Thursday, September 21, 2017

I have a new e-book: Bokeh available on Amazon

On April 13, I published my first e-book thanks to a course I took at the local library.

That may not seem like big news, as I publish every single week, online and in print, but this day is different. I am publishing my book, thanks to the e-publishing workshop held by Cindy Davis at Rideau Lakes Library in Elgin, as part of their Speaker Series.

It has been a work in progress for several years, but since November last year, I’ve been honing it. I got myself an editor – a wonderful colleague, whom I have grown to love and respect as a dear friend. Unfortunately for us, we have lost her in the newsroom as of today (another monumental moment), as she’s going on to bigger and better things. We’ll all miss her. She gave me the courage I needed to take this leap of faith.

Those who are close to me know most of my story. (Does anyone really know your entire story?) I didn’t feel like it was a big deal at all. It was cathartic for me to get it all out on paper, and one day dispose of it. Poof! Watch it go up in smoke, then move on from the bad stuff.

It’s like reading my journal. How salacious, you may think. Some parts are, but for the most part, it’s raw and emotional. There are a lot of issues I dealt with the best way I knew how. From bullying, through suicide, two marriages, and some bad relationships in between riddled with alcoholism, depression, and an eating disorder, I came out on the other side in a much better place.

I have no apologies. I was exactly where I wanted to be, doing exactly what I wanted to do, and I chose the people with whom I spent that time. I’m thankful to all those I loved and lost that I’ve made it this far alive.

Since talking with my editor and with others in general, I’m hearing some similar unspeakable stories. It makes me nauseous to know my friends have gone through their own horrific times. We all have, though, haven’t we?

Some deal with issues better than others; some hide them and pretend they’re OK, while others, like me, write about them. Some don’t make it out of their own darkness, thinking the only way is to end it. It makes me crazy that we can’t just talk about it.

I’ve been there – on both sides of that equation. I hope that someone will find their own strength to take a stand against whatever demons they’re fighting.

If my story can help one person get help for a mental health issue, or addiction, then it will be worth the heartache and shame I’ve felt in the past, and the current butterflies I’m swatting at now as I hover over the “publish” button on my laptop.

I’m a bit of a story teller, you see.

Mom would laugh. “A bit, eh?”

I have been telling stories since I was old enough to talk at 10 months of age. I’ve also been blessed to be able to write stories. Mom will tell you about one I wrote in Grade 3 how the rabbit got its long ears. (That may become a children’s book.)

Along with the valleys of life, there have been many peaks – and lots of blessings. The biggest blessings are my family, my partner and my furkids. I couldn’t have sorted through all this without them and their love and support. Oh and chocolate. Big blessing!

My editor tells me my story is “amazing,” and that I need to share it.

“Couldn’t stop reading it,” she wrote me in an e-mail after she read the first draft. “Beautifully honest and captivating. I am thoroughly impressed, and I mean that. If it was crap I’d tell you. Beautiful writing, Laurie.”

She’s a gem.

My book is called, Bokeh. That’s a Japanese term meaning out of focus, but pleasing to the eye and photographers aim for this effect in certain images. I thought it was apropos, since a camera has been an extension of my arm since high school.

I have changed names and characteristics of everyone mentioned, except my family. Dialogue has been recreated from memory.

It is only available as a download on Amazon; some 68,000 words and nine chapters.

Here’s the warning – the language is raw, and there is mature content. Visit https://www.amazon.com/Bokeh-Laurie-Weir-ebook/dp/B06ZZ72C94/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1492596499&sr=8-1&keywords=laurie+weir

I’ve earmarked a portion of sales for Victim Services, a community organization close to my heart. Find out more about them here: https://victimserviceslanark.ca/home.php

If you have a personal story to share, I’d love to hear from you. Email me at ljweir64@gmail.com. Let’s just talk about it.

 

Doef family celebrates each other this holiday season

Neil Doef sits with parents Bruce and Bobbi-Jean (back) and his mother’s parents, Delores and Ernie Beaupre, at home Sunday, Dec. 13. They gathered that afternoon to talk about the past 12 months ince Neil’s spinal cord injury a year ago, Dec. 14, while playing hockey in Saskatchewan.

What a difference a year makes.

As the Doef family reflects on the year that was 2015, one of the traditions they want to reinstate this year is family night.

That consists of dinner out and a movie. Maybe watch The Hunger Games.

“I don’t take anything for granted anymore,” said Bobbi-Jean Doef, Neil’s mother, as she, her husband Bruce and parents Delores and Ernie Beaupre, sat down with The Record News on Sunday afternoon, at the Doef home in Smiths Falls.

What’s missing – besides the rest of the Doef family, including Neil’s siblings, Nathan, Nicole and Natalie – are Christmas decorations. Just 11 days to Christmas Eve and decorating for the holiday season seems to be the last thing on this family’s mind.

Last Christmas Neil was in the hospital.

It was a year ago Dec. 14 that Neil, now 18, suffered a devastating and life-altering spinal cord injury while playing in the World Junior Championship in Saskatchewan last December. It left him a paraplegic.

Neil, a star forward for the Smiths Falls Jr. A Bears, was the team’s leading scorer with 16 goals, 29 assists for 45 points in 34 games at that mid-point in December. He was one of two Bears who made the cut for Team Canada East for the World Jr. A Hockey Challenge in Kindersley. He and Jared Henry made the trip west, along with their coach Mark Grady who was assistant coach for Team Canada East.

Neil sustained a hit in the team’s first game that sent him sprawling awkwardly into the boards when a Swiss defenceman checked him. He was taken off the ice on a stretcher and sent to a hospital in Saskatoon where he stayed until Christmas Eve. (Team Canada East went on to play for the bronze medal, which they subsequently lost to Russia.)

Today, the tournament gets underway in Coburg/Whitby with Team Canada lacing up against Switzerland in their first game.

Bobbi-Jean said she will keep up to date on the tournament, as they were extended an invitation to attend.

“We know two of the guys who are on the team this year,” she said.

They are Geoff Lawson (Ottawa Jr. Senators) and Quinn Wichers (Kemptville 73’s).

“I played with both of them,” Neil said. “We were triple A Cyclones together.”

“They made the team this year and we’ll follow and support them,” Bobbi-Jean said. “They’re former teammates of Neil’s – but not just teammates, they’re friends, too. We wish them nothing but the best.”

 

Family strength

As we sit around the family’s kitchen table, they each take a minute to reflect on how the year changed them.

Bruce said it wasn’t a good time for anyone.

“It just goes to show you how quickly life changes,” Bruce said. “In the blink of an eye. But we’ve had support of family, that’s been a godsend. It’s helped to keep it all together. Having a positive attitude – it’s the only one you can have and you are thankful for it.”

Bobbi-Jean agreed, and added “life puts things into a different perspective. What’s priority? We all are guilty of taking things for granted. I can never find enough words to thank those who support us.”

She added that she draws strength from that support – her family and friends and the community at large.

“I’m a realist – that’s not a negative thing. But I look at things from all angles. Maybe I tend to look at it a little too hard,” she said.

Bobbi-Jean said she’s looking forward to having Christmas at home, “and not in a hospital,” added Ernie.

“It’s not about what’s under the tree, but who’s around it,” she said.

Delores gives her daughter credit for keeping the family together this past year.

“She’s had a positive attitude and she’s given us that positive experience,” Delores said. “And our Neil, he has a wonderful attitude. He always has a smile – he doesn’t just say he’s OK, he says it with a smile we know he means it. I think Neil’s going to be an even better person – an even better citizen, a better son, grandson… and brother. He will treat people even more kindly because of his accident.”

Ernie said out of this whole experience Neil has been the “tower of strength for all of us. It was a hard pill to swallow, but to put yourself in his place, he’s such a good person, a great hockey player, and he has no resentment. He has never expressed any resentment. It was just a hit, he said.”

Ernie said to see his grandson walk again was a huge positive for the entire family.

“By the grace of God and Neil’s determination, he will be as strong as he ever was.”

 

Medical prognosis

Not only has his family and friends stood behind him all the way, but so has his community – both his hockey community and his home town community. Hundreds of thousands of dollars have been raised for Neil and his ongoing rehabilitation.

“People don’t know what we’re going through,” Bobbi-Jean said. “There are other medical expenses he will have the rest of his life.”

Neil has a bioness rehabilitation unit. It helps to re-educate brain signals to aid in restoring muscle function in the paralyzed muscles. The device helps to control electrical stimulation to the brace on his left leg. Neil uses a walking pole to assist in his stability.

“It’s day by day,” Neil said. “Roy pushes me really hard (in rehab), but I’m getting stronger all over and working on walking.”

As for a short-term goal, Neil said he’s continuing to get stronger and “get rid of the stick.”

When asked what’s on his play list, he grinned. “I like pop… a little of this, a little of that,” he said. But he wouldn’t say what songs he works out to most often.

Bobbi-Jean said Neil is a fan of rapper Eminem, “but he has a lot of different types of music he listens to.”

As for the wheelchair, it’s still not far from reach and Neil may use it to go on longer treks – like from the parking lot to hospital corridors when he goes for appointments.

Through rehabilitation therapy at a Smiths Falls clinic, where Neil goes twice a week for an hour at a time, to massage therapy at home, and trips to Ottawa for a myriad of other appointments, getting through the rigors of university forms has been taking a back burner. Neil is attending his 12X year at Smiths Falls District Collegiate Institute. He said he is not quite sure what he wants to study in the future.

“We are right in the middle of university discussions,” Bobbi-Jean said. “Princeton (to which Neil received a scholarship) has been amazing; they’ve kept in touch, but everything is not aligning and it may not be feasible at this time. We’ve been in constant communication with them. Neil has written his SATs. The option is still open (to attend in the fall); it just may not be able to work in 2016, but it may be a possibility for 2017.”

 

Highlights of 2015

Some of the highlights for Neil this year were taking part in the fundraising golf tournaments in his name and being a Metroland Media sponsored torchbearer in the PanAm Games Torch Run when it went through Smiths Falls.

The Doefstrong97 tournament in June was a huge fundraising effort, as was his friends Brooke and Brittany Henderson’s pro-am golf tournament.

“The Pan-Am Games Torch Run was definitely a highlight,” Neil said.

Delores said she “wouldn’t have missed that one for the world,” and she has many photos from that day when Neil was a torchbearer through town.

It was a sight to behold when Neil got up from his wheelchair and walked across the stage to light the cauldron in the park. “I felt pretty honoured to be part of that,” he said.

Going to watch Brooke play in the U.S. Open in July was great, too, he added.

And the family also watched Brooke play in Cambridge at the Manulife Classic.

As the year comes to a close the family reflects on the year that was 2015, they said they are looking forward to a happy and healthy 2016 with those they love, and those who have helped them along the way.

“We couldn’t have done it without the ongoing support of our friends and family and the community,” said Bobbi-Jean, as she has prepared a thank-you note to post on her Facebook page. “I hope I don’t forget somebody. There are so many people to thank.”

©Metroland Media/DECEMBER, 2015

Relay for Life – get inspired

Weir cousins/aunts brunch – and one boy
From the bottom left: My cousin Sheila’s oldest daughter, Calista; cousin Val’s daughter Emily, and Sheila’s youngest, Marika; next row, from the left: cousins Julie, Crystal, Sheila, (me); next row, Aunt Sheila, Kelley (cousin Kevin’s wife), Vicki, Aunt Caulene; back row: cousins Val and Kevin, Aunt Vi, Gwen (MOM)  and Aunt Lynda.
____________________________________________________________________________

My cousin, Julie, almost died…
… laughing hysterically, as she and her brother led me into a creek, in the middle of winter, in the 1980s. She was much younger than me, (I was about 16, she was maybe, eight) and with her little brother, Jim, they led me astray ­ literally.

I was being a fool (I know, hard to believe), and I had zipped my winter coat over my head.
“OK you guys, lead me back to Grandma’s house,” I said, as they each grasped my hands and walked me, plunk, right into a little creek that had iced over, but there was still plenty of water on the other side of that thick layer of ice.
Splash! Oh, they tittered and they giggled, and they thought they had performed a great feat.

My cousin, Julie, almost died…
… of horror when I yelled, “Snake!”
She bolted straight in the air about 50 feet and was hysterical when she ran kicking and screaming all through Grandma¹s orchard and back into the house to be saved by her mom and our grandma who cooed gently and said I was a big meanie for doing such bad things. Jim, well, he just laughed at that one, although he was none too fond of snakes either.

My cousin, Julie, almost died…
… of fright when our dog Lady didn¹t have her rubber teeth in. I would tell both Julie and Jim such stories. Well, this one time, she had learned of Lady, our collie, who was a fierce, furry dog with long hair and even longer ­ and sharp ­ teeth!
“Don’t worry,” I’d tell the kids. “She has her rubber teeth in today.”
That seemed to placate them for a few years.

My cousin, Julie, almost died…
… from cancer.
She was sick about three years ago now. In her 40s, she’s one of the healthiest women I know. She doesn¹t smoke, seldom drinks, eats properly, exercises, but she developed colon cancer anyway. Cancer doesn’t discriminate. No kidding.
She was scheduled for surgery where the doctor cut out the nastiness, and gave her low doses of chemotherapy. After a year, she was declared cancer free. We all breathed a collective sigh of relief.

This girl ­ she will always be a girl to me ­ is one of my favourite cousins. Ask her, she’ll tell all of us (there are 13 in the immediate family – many of them are in that photo above – well, the gals are, anyway) that she’s everyone’s favourite cousin.

She inspires me.

Since her diagnosis ­ unbeknownst to her ­ she has been inspiring others around her.

She has taken up tap dancing again. I can remember her tap-tap-tapping away at Grandma’s house every weekend they came to visit. She enjoyed it as a child, and loves it even more, years later.

She’s also taken up running. Man, that so inspires me. If only, if only… but I watch her accomplishments and see what she¹s doing next as we are connected on Facebook. I see her smiling at the finish line, her number across her middle, hugs all around, for finishing that next race.

I see her entertaining her mom and mother-in-law for a high tea on Mother’s Day, complete with fancy dishes and finger foods. Both moms enjoyed that as much as she seemed to enjoy hosting it.

I see her with her girlfriends at their girls’ cottage weekend, having fun and hanging out, doing some crafts… making it count.

I see her as a step-mom to two boys, and a wife of 10 years to Marc, her best bud and soul mate.

I see her as a big inspiration in my life and living every moment.

Make each one count because you never know when it will be the last.

Relay for Life next Saturday, June 13, 6 p.m. at Smiths Falls District Collegiate Institute.

Get inspired.

New hope for marine mammals

The Ministry of Community Safety and Correctional services announced on Jan. 27 that they are strengthening protections for marine mammals, like whales, dolphins, belugas and walruses, to ensure both greater protection and improved treatment.

These new standards of care, reflecting advice from an expert report by University of British Columbia marine biologist Dr. David Rosen, will be among the best in the world.

Why are these creatures in confined captivity to begin with?

Places like Marineland in Niagara Falls are in it for the money, I believe. I recently read an indepth account of the trials and tribulations of its owner, John Holer (I had no idea it was a privately-owned facility) and the many charges he faced, fought and denied over the years. To this day, in my opinion, the place isn’t a great tourist attraction.

When I was in public school in the early ’80s, a trip to Marine Land and Game Farm (as it was known then), elicited excited cries from my classmates. But I was never one to enjoy looking at animals that were trapped in cages and big pools. I always felt that they should be free to live in their natural environment. I think that is why my trip to Alaska was so vital last year – so that I could actually see humpback whales in the Pacific Ocean, and erase the images of killer whales trapped unnaturally at Marineland, or other creatures behind bars at the Toronto Zoo. I’m not a fan of any of these types of “family fun.” Don’t get me started on circuses. I had a hard enough time with the book, ‘Water For Elephants’ by Sara Gruen, which was a great read despite its tragedies.

Marineland has only one surviving orca remaining and that is Kiska. According to the website, www.marinelandindepth.com, she was captured near Iceland at approximately three years of age and was transported to Marineland at the end of 1979. She has spent most of her life swimming circles in

Marineland tanks. This was most likely the one and only killer whale I saw during my class trip in 1982. It is upsetting to see a photo of her now, in a pool not much bigger than she is.

There is currently a petition to save Kiska and transport her to a better facility. The Toronto Star wrote a story in 2012 that was subject to a legal complaint. In the story, it was reported that Kiska’s tail was bleeding for a month. A screen capture of a video of the animal showed her swimming in the small pool followed by a trail a blood.

The Ontario Captive Animal Watch has sent Minister Yasir Naqvi a request to save this

whale. He directed the group to the contact the OSPCA? Does he not oversee this group, too?

There is also a Facebook page called, “Kiska: The Loneliest Whale” is calling for action to free her.

Why is this so difficult to do? It’s because of the lack of regulations for captive animals that places like this are getting away with, what I believe, are atrocities.

Apparently, now this ministry is bringing new standards forward, that are being developed in a number of areas like the size of pools used to house marine mammals, the environmental considerations like bacteria content, noise and lighting, appropriate social groupings and even regulations for handling and displaying the mammals.

But will this help Kiska? The government will establish a technical advisory group composed of veterinarians, animal welfare groups, industry, and enforcement partners to provide advice on the final standards and timing of their implementation. This group will report back with their findings within six months.

The government will also be moving forward with legislation to prohibit the future breeding and acquisition of killer whales and establish Animal Welfare Committees at every facility with marine mammals. These committees will provide both oversight and access to additional protections such as veterinarians with expertise in marine mammals.

Naqvi, says, “Our government is moving forward with stronger protections for marine mammals to ensure these unique animals receive the best possible treatment and care. This is something that Ontarians expect and these animals deserve. These higher standards of care, along

with prohibiting any future breeding or acquisition of orcas in Ontario, are both the right thing to do and builds on our government’s ongoing efforts to have the strongest animal protection laws in Canada.”

According to the ministry, Ontario will be the first province to set specific standards of care for marine mammals. This province also has the toughest animal protection laws in Canada.

I didn’t know that there are over 60 zoos and aquariums in Ontario – more than any other province, and that Ontario provides the Ontario Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (OSPCA) with $5.5 million annually to strengthen the protection of animals. Interesting. To find out about the work of the OSPCA visit www.ontariospca.ca.

The University of British Columbia Report on Standards of Care for Marine Mammals in Captivity can be found here: http://tinyurl.com/lxdqc4q

This column appeared in the Feb. 5, 2015, issue of the Record News and Perth Courier newspapers.

Family, community support helps motivate young hockey player #Doefstrong

@Doefstrong @SFBears @NeilDoef_19

I can’ t help but write about this guy.

He truly is an inspiration. Each week, I learn more about the player, his family and his will.

Neil Doef’s name was well known in this community. Now, it’s even more so after his paralyzing hit into the boards while playing hockey in Saskatchewan last month.

I spent last Friday afternoon with his grandparents, Ernie and Delores Beaupre.

They welcomed me into their home, showed me many photographs of Neil, and the rest of their grandchildren. They have six of them. Neil is the youngest of four in his family.

They shared stories and their own cherished memories of their family over the years. I had an inside glimpse of what makes them all click. Together, they’re a force to be reckoned with.

Their Christmas celebrations were always so full of love. Delores told me a story of how Neil has kept track of his Christmas ornaments over the years. She’d given her kids ornaments each Christmas, and Neil, being the organized boy that he is, kept

his in a box in his room, safe out of the reach of his siblings. Sporting that trademark grin, he asked his mother while decorating the tree where his ornaments were. His mom assured him they were on the tree.

“No they’re not, they’re in my room,” Neil told her, and he sprinted upstairs to his bedroom to retrieve the box of ornaments.

The Beaupres told me that they all got together each Christmas, spending it as a family, but they didn’t do that this year.

As Neil lay in a hospital bed, his grandparents stayed at home and chose to spend much of their Christmas alone. They said they didn’t feel like celebrating.

Despite their smiles and jovial spirits on Friday, they are still numb with worry and concern about what Neil’s future will bring. But they’re optimistic.

I was intrigued by the way in which these proud grandparents told me about Neil, and the other kids, growing up. One special memory was how Ernie got the hoses out of the basement to flood their first rink when Neil was just a boy.

I can’t help but remember my own childhood when hoses flooded the nearby Chantry rink – or the Forum, as we all called it.

“Snapping cold nights,” Ernie said. I remember those nights, and the bare bulbs that strung together over the ice surface and we skated for hours and hours – much like Neil and the rest of the kids in the neighbourhood about 10 years ago.

They told me of their kids’ soccer days, their academics and other achievements.

Even their dog, Bailey had a say in things… he met me at the door all wiggles and licks. Apparently, I was safe. This little Havanese dog is as spirited and protective as any other member of this family.

Moments after posting that story on our website -www. inside ottawa valley.com/community-story/5264568-there-s-no-quit-in-neil-doefproud-grandparents-say/I received a phone call from a member of the Smiths Falls Minor Hockey Association.

Rowan Widdison told me that Neil has been a proud supporter of the little Bears and he’s always helping them with their drills during practice.

“He’s a wonderful boy, both on the ice and off the ice,” Widdison told me. “That’s what makes this story so inspiring. Neil has a big heart and we wish him nothing but the best.”

There’s no quit in Neil Doef, proud grandparents say

Ernie and Delores Beaupre take comfort in the support from the community in the wake of their grandson, Neil Doef’s spinal cord injury on Dec. 14.
The Smiths Falls couple says they are blessed to have their family close by as they struggle with the day-to-day life after Neil was paralyzed from the waste down while playing a game he has loved since he was a little boy.
Currently, Neil is regaining feeling in his lower extremities, but as for a diagnosis – “we don’t have one,” Delores says. “It’s day by day.”
From the comfort of their living room, with their little dog, Bailey, a Havanese, they are surrounded by so many memories captured in photos through the years. They reflect on their grandkids and all they have accomplished, each of them having graduated from Smiths Falls District Collegiate Institute as Ontario scholars.
“We are proud of them all,” Delores says. “They are all such good kids… it’s nice to know that they are well thought of in the community. They have never given us an ounce of trouble. It makes us proud. I have never had anyone say to me that my grandchildren have been rude or abrasive with them. I meet people now and they have nothing but praise for the kids, especially Neil. No complaints at all.”
The Beaupres have two daughters: Michelle and Bobbi-Jean.
Neil is the youngest son of Bobbi-Jean and Bruce Doef, also of Smiths Falls. Nathan is the oldest at 25 who is studying kinesiology at the University of Ottawa. Nicole, 23 and Natalie 19 are also in university in western Ontario, and Neil, soon to be 18 on Feb. 10, has been accepted to Princeton on a hockey scholarship.

Growing up sports minded
The children had rules to abide by – homework always came first. Bobbi-Jean is a firm believer that if you keep your kids busy, they’ll keep out of trouble, Ernie says.
“They kept them busy with sports, chores and responsibilities, and if they were to come home whining about something, BJ would tell them to suck it up. Unless it was serious, then they would look into it. But for the most part, the kids had to be problem solvers.”
Bobbi-Jean and Bruce are well known in the community after having increased the local soccer league from 300 children to well over 800 almost a decade ago. It was getting so busy with all their own children in sports that one day, (Neil was in both hockey and soccer), it was time for the youngest Doef to make a decision about which sport he wanted to play.
Neil chose hockey.
“Neil was always the kid sitting on the soccer ball, with his hands on his chin watching the play,” Ernie says. “Maybe at half time, he’d be asked to play with the big kids, but when he got older, he was every bit as good at that as he was at soccer. He could have gone either way.”
It had to be organized on the home front, as Bobbi-Jean is a day care provider.
Ernie said that when Neil was a child, he had to be respectful of the children under his mother’s care. “She has raised more kids in Smiths Falls than you can shake a stick at,” Ernie says. “If the kids hit him, he wasn’t allowed to retaliate. So all of a sudden you put him in hockey and someone hits him, it was hard for him to retaliate (on the ice). Coaches told him, ‘Neil, if you don’t hit them back they’re going to run right over you.’ Then coaches started telling us, he had a lot of talent but needed to get far more physical. I knew that was going to be the hard part.”
In summer it was soccer, and in winter, hockey took over.
“His mother and I made their first rink in their back yard in Smiths Falls. We strung lights together. I can remember going over there on snapping cold nights, drawing hoses out of the basement so we could flood the rink,” Ernie says.
“Then a few years later, another neighbour moved down the street and they had a bigger rink. I told Neil, I won’t build a rink this year, because your neighbour has one. I was glad of that… Neil was getting bigger and skating faster and moved to the bigger outdoor rink.”
Through his young years, Neil played rep B hockey in Smiths Falls before advancing to the triple A level. Travelling around the Seaway Valley, eastern Ontario and beyond was the family’s normal.
They had help with travel as Ernie loved to attend Neil’s games and together they would drive for miles and miles.
“My husband knows every old, dilapidated – and new – rink in the area,” Delores says.
Neil had a favourite Bears player and watched the local Junior A team often, as they don’t live far from the arena. That Bear was No. 19, Steve McGlade.
But Ernie thought Neil chose that number because of Larry Robinson of the Montreal Canadiens – one of his own favourites.
“One day we were coming home from a game in Cardinal and Neil said to me, ‘Papa, I don’t wear 19 to honour Larry Robinson, I wear 19 to honour Steve McGlade.’ Well, that kind of burst my bubble, but OK. I don’t care, as long as he likes hockey and wants to play,” Ernie chuckles at the memory.
“He is so polite that he wouldn’t say anything different, and I had just got used to telling that story, until that night. He said it in his own kind way. He wasn’t bold about it.”
Neil accumulated many trophies and medals over the years in sports and academics. So much so, that his bedroom is a bit of a showcase for his accomplishments, says his grandmother.
“He’s meticulous and his room is spotless,” she beams with pride. “Everything has its place. He’s always so neat and tidy.”

It’s not over
The day of Neil’s on-ice collision, the Beaupre family had their television tuned into the World Junior Hockey challenge.
All but Neil’s siblings were at the Beaupres’ home watching the game on FastHockey.
“We watched it all on TV,” Ernie recalls. “The team doctor phoned here from the bench. We all know people get hurt – but it was the extent of the injury that is so shocking,” Ernie says.
“The whole waiting thing. It makes you numb,” Delores says. “It’s like watching it in slow motion. We couldn’t fathom the extent of it. They didn’t leave the camera on him all the time so we couldn’t see them working on him.”
Soon Hockey Canada delivered the news to the family from Saskatchewan.
“Hockey Canada was there for them… they’ve been great,” Ernie says. “The hockey world ought to be proud… there are thousands of kids they teach every day.
Hockey is a wonderful sport.”
Ernie adds that Neil was just doing his job that fateful day, just as he was taught.
“Neil was the closest one to the puck and it was his job to go get it. That’s what he was doing. He was trying to get the puck, to throw it out front so someone could throw it in.
How many times have I seen him master that skill… and then, one particular time he didn’t,” Ernie says.
“It was an accident,” Delores adds.
The couple doesn’t blame anyone for the tragic results.
“It was a hockey hit – kids bump together like that all the time. Just didn’t work that time,” Ernie says.
Soon the Doefs flew to Saskatchewan to be by Neil’s side. Ten days later Neil was flown to an Ottawa hospital where he is undergoing intensive rehabilitation.

First impressions after the collision
The first time Ernie saw Neil after the accident, he says he wasn’t sure what to say to his grandson. “I could tell he was doing a lot of thinking… but I said to him, ‘Did you have to go all the way to Saskatchewan to find out you were half an inch taller than your brother?”
Neil told him that yes, in fact, Team Canada had measured him officially, and now he is 5-foot-10.5 – a half-inch taller than his older brother. And, no, that’s not counting the hair.
Team Canada has given Neil a new jersey.
“They wanted him to put it on, but he wouldn’t. Oh, I know my grandson, not until he gets out of that wheelchair will he put that on, and not until he stands up and looks like a hockey player will he display that,” Ernie says.
Doctors had to cut Neil’s Team Canada hockey jersey from him. They couldn’t take it off over his head.

Support awe-inspiring
Since Neil’s injury, financial support has been awe-inspiring. The community at large, led by a local group, ‘Friends of Doef’, has raised well over $100,000 to help support the family. Ernie says some of that money may be used to renovate their home so it’s wheelchair accessible, or perhaps, find a new place to live.
They may need the new place just to store the swag that’s been pouring in.
“People are sending Neil boxes of items, like signed jerseys, pictures and things like that,” says Ernie. “He hasn’t seen this yet, but they’ve told him. It’s hard to transport things to the city, but when he gets home he’ll see all that.”
“For the most part, the boxes have been taken upstairs, so that when Neil sees them he can put them where he wants them,” Delores says. “His room is so neat and tidy with all his trophies and medals over the years, but now there’s a whole lot more” items of importance to find places in the Doef home, as hockey teams (minor, junior and professional) from around the globe have been sending him a whole lot of loot.
“No man is an island. Neil knew that,” his grandfather reflects. “He said to me, ‘Papa, I don’t care if I score… as long as we score.’ He has had good teammates and they’re all good kids. Neil was fairly lucky because he got to play hockey just five houses down from the rink. They’re all polite… it’s because of the way they’re raised and how they are coached.”
The coaching makes all the difference in the world.
“You never have any fear that (coaches) are going to hurt your children. You have no mistrust. These people, you knew them growing up. We always knew they’d be safe. If they were going to a tournament, and they got hurt… like with Neil, they would be with them. Coach (Mark) Grady stayed with our grandson until our family could get there,” Ernie says. “He proved to us without a shadow of a doubt, that he’s there for any of them. Not just for Neil, but he’s there for everyone.”
And now Neil has another goal in life – getting back on his feet… and into his skates.
“He just loves hockey – it may not be over,” says Ernie. “I can’t read his mind, but I almost sense it. He’s not saying anything, but in the back of his mind I’m sure he’s thinking, ‘I’m not down yet.’ Who wants to take that away from him? I’m not going to take that away from him. This is his purpose. It’s a great goal for him to have.”

In the community
They Beaupres have lived here all their lives, and as Delores says, “I have seen some things done for people, but I have never seen any kind of a reaction like I have for Neil. And he deserves it. He’s a wonderful boy, and a beautiful soul.”
It’s overwhelming, they say.
“My daughter said, ‘I have no idea how we’re going to thank people.’ There are so many people who have contributed… she said she has no idea how she’s going to thank them,” Ernie adds.
“When things are a bit slower and better, Bobbi-Jean says that she’ll be able to think about how to thank everyone who has been so wonderful to the family,” Ernie adds.
“There are many memories you remember through your lives… we have some wonderful memories. Life is pretty much what you make of it,” Ernie says.
“Neil’s going up hill now and I told him that it’s going to be a long and steep hill but he can do this. I told him, ‘there are a lot of people cheering you on from the sidelines,’ and he looked at me and smiled. He said, ‘Thanks Papa, I think you’re right.’”

What a year 2014 has been

As we embark on a new year, I can’t help but be over the moon with excitement about what 2015 will bring, now that 2014 is in the books.

Everything exploded for me in 2014 – in a good way.

I got my own pad, met the neighbour with whom I now cohabitate, went with Mom to Alaska on a trip of a lifetime, had my first grandchild thanks to that new found mate of mine and I finally got my Jeep, an SUV I’ve wanted for a very long time.

Friendships have strengthened through some tough times, and new ones emerged. Relationships with my family played a significant role in my life last year, too. Love them all to bits.

I am thankful for my job – which isn’t a job at all as it’s something I do for fun and for a living. Not many can say that.
There is a great crew of journalists at this newspaper office, now back to a full complement after two returned from maternity leave. We’re as excited about the stories that we cover and uncover, as you are to read them.

The year marked some sadness too with the passing of my grandmother. She lived to a ripe and feisty age of 93 and was still kicking up her heels in the nursing home, giving anyone who passed, the hairy eyeball or some sort of grief about something or other. Ah, but we loved her.

The Alaska trip was a highlight. Mom and I had planned to do a cruise for a couple years. It was great that we were able to sail those seas together. Probably the last one I take where a plane is involved, but that’s another story.

This year my guy and I are planning a trip in the fall to his hometown in Newfoundland. I’m looking forward to seeing Cape Breton in its colourful splendor and experiencing his place of birth through his eyes.

I’m also excited to be a ‘Nana’ for the first time, which I didn’t think would ever happen since I didn’t have children. My guy was a grandpa twice over last year as his daughter also had a baby in 2014, so we look forward to our roles in their lives.

One of the most tragic news stories I covered last year and continue into the New Year is that of Neil Doef and a spinal cord injury sustained while playing hockey last month in Saskatoon. He’s paralyzed from the waste down and is undergoing extensive spinal cord rehab in an Ottawa hospital.

Communities near and far have rallied together to raise funds for the Doef family as they cope day to day with Neil’s recovery and the costs associated with it.

Through my conversations with others about this story, I have discovered that Neil and I are related – even if it is through great aunts and uncles twice and three times removed.

We all wish, for 2015, to see Neil on the ice again. With his strength and determination, along with this community and his family’s undying love and support, that will happen.

#Doefstrong for 2015.
Ljweir@metroland.com

Community rallies to support young hockey super star, Neil Doef

#Doefstrong

When I got word that our young Smiths Falls Jr. A Bears’ forward, Neil Doef was injured last week, my heart sank.

Visions of a similar hit in Perth just a year ago that left a young hockey player paralyzed ran through my head. Sometimes, I absolutely hate this game.

Doef, in the prime of his hockey career at 17, lays in a hospital bed in Saskatchewan after surgery to repair damage from a check into the boards on Sunday, Dec. 14. He had just undergone surgery and Hockey Canada isn’t saying much – only that his condition was unchanged as of Tuesday.

Not knowing what is going on is far worse than having some idea of Neil’s prognosis.

I am thinking the worst and hoping for the best. Will he be able to attend Princeton on a hockey scholarship? Will he ever walk again, much less skate?

Coaches are telling me his spirits are high.

I can’t help but get choked with emotion. I have interviewed this boy on several occasions. He’s a fun-loving, kind-hearted, sweet young man with a heart of gold. He’s polite, and has a mega-watt grin. In Grade 12 at Smiths Falls District Collegiate Institute, Neil wants to further his studies in accounting at Princeton… of course, play hockey as well, as he committed to that Ivy League school two years ago. They know a good thing when they see one.

Neil was one of two Bears selected this month for the Team Canada East squad and was playing in the 2014 World Canada Junior A Challenge in Saskatchewan. He’d caught the attention of Central Scouting as one of the players to watch. Here’s how they described him: “very good size-to-speed ratio… creative with the puck… always a scoring threat… strong offensive instincts… plays bigger than his size… willing to battle… always wants the puck on his stick… smooth skater.”

Sunday night, everything changed for him when he was checked into the boards during their game against Switzerland. He was taken off the ice on a stretcher. With an unknown diagnosis, Team Canada East is now wearing ‘ND7’ stickers on the backs of their helmets for the duration of the tournament. No. 7 is his number on the national team.

And now Neil is looking at his future through different eyes as he lays in that hospital bed in Sasakatoon with his family by his side.

Back home, the community has already been rallying behind the scenes, throwing their support behind Neil and his family. His parents, Bruce and Bobbi-Jean flew to Saskatchewan right away. There is no doubt there will be expenses that this family will incur as they go through Neil’s recovery.

In a recent online post to the community, Bobbi-Jean was thankful for the support. She writes: “Thankfully, I have spent many hours reaching out to people who are reaching out to us…countless! It is my way to stay strong! You all have no clue how much strength I am feeling from all of the best wishes and prayers! I know that you all are in this battle with us! We are and will remain #doefstrong as we take this extremely tough life journey with our son! How many people have rallied together to join us on this journey has overwhelmed our hearts with warmth and the courage that we will need moving forward! So thank you to ALL! Love Bruce, Bobbi-Jean, Nathan, Nicole, Natalie and Neil Doef ♡”

Of Neil’s teammates that I tried to contact for a comment, none would talk to me – they have all been asked by their coaching staff to stay off social media and not to talk to the press. I guess that means me, too. Sometimes it’s good to be a reporter, because I get details about stories that are important to the community. But it’s times like these, when I have had the opportunity to get to know this young man, if only on the surface, I’d like to know more. I want to know what he is facing. I want to be able to show my support however I can. Sometimes praying doesn’t seem like enough.

A fundraising opportunity will be held Friday during the Bears’ final game before the Christmas break as friends and family and the community at large can rally for No. 19 (Neil’s number on the Bears’ team) on Dec. 19. “Buckets of Love for Neil” will be out so please be generous and make a donation. With the permission of the Doef family, the ‘Friends of Doef ’ group has established a trust fund to assist them with any ongoing financial needs.  Donations can be made at any Scotiabank branch to the account “Doefstrong in Trust”.  Email transfers are also accepted at doefstrong@gmail.com.  An official Facebook page has also been set up as “Doefstrong”  so please feel free to leave messages of love and support for Neil and his family. There is also an online fundraiser happening and can be found here: https://fundrazr.com/campaigns/aupJ6 and #Doefstrong wristbands will soon be available.

Another recent addition to the fundraising effort is coming from Jason Clarke, who may be the tough guy behind the Carleton Place Jr. A Canadians bench, but when it comes to an injured 17-year-old boy, he’s showing his heart. Clarke, the head coach and general manager of the Canadians will have ‘Doefstrong’ T-shirts for the Bears to sell during their home game fundraiser Dec. 19. Clarke coached Doef just two weeks ago at the Central Canada Cup, said despite the rivalry with the Bears on the ice, the entire CCHL is one big family.

“For the week I spent with him, he’s a fine young man,” Clarke said in a phone interview with the Record News on Wednesday night. “He was very professional.”

Clarke said this isn’t about hockey now, though.

“Hockey is hockey, but life is life, and right now this is about life,” Clarke said. “Smiths Falls and Carleton Place have a big rivalry, but this is more than hockey. It’s about a young man and his future.”

It was because of this connection that Clarke is offering to bring in a load of ‘Doefstrong’ T-shirts to be sold at the Bears’ Friday night home game against the Cumberland Grads. He is able to do this through a clothing company that he owns. Class act, Jason. He says this is a family thing now, not a hockey rivalry.

Clarke’s generosity doesn’t go unnoticed by the Bears assistant coach Walt Dubas, who said he, and coach Mark Grady, are overwhelmed with the outpouring of support in the community.

Neil, I wish you the best of luck with your recovery. You’re #Doefstrong, you’re tough… you’re a fighter. Keep the faith my friend, and stay positive. I’m sure that this entire community, and anyone who has ever known you or watched you play hockey, is praying for you… and for a Christmas miracle.